this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
