Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
