is wine microwaveable?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
