So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
