bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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