I accidentally had phone sex last night
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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