I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Someone shit on the floor
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
