I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
