i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
