erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
