you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
