I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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