Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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