I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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