Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
