I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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