I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
