fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
