remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
40s are totally the cure
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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