i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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