Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
