you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
