Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
