I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
