First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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