I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
