you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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