Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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