My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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