you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
