if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
