What a fucking waste of an outfit
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
