Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
