I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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