What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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