haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
my poor anus
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
