I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
