After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
