just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
