how can u be prego again
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i came on her dog
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
