i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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