Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
