I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
