That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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