All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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