Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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