hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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