he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So squirting runs in the family.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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