i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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