I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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