His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
