So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
