Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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