i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize