Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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