I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
