guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
