Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sext me about skeletons
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
