i jhust puked up my retainher.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
