My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
