In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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