Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
