I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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