She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
