Can i not drive my cunt home
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
