i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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